I desire friendship. Sheep desire NOT THAT.

 So I am trying to make friends with my new sheep.

They come from a fairly large herd and are not dairy animals, which means they are mostly accustomed to being handled if they need medicine or something - so, not great associations. Also the ewes are Soays.

You have nothing we desire, human.

Soay sheep "developed" from feral/wild sheep on the Scottish island of Soay (hence the name), and at that time their experience with humans was "those weird things that come get our wool once a year." They are not even shorn, they shed their wool out in the spring. So they are smart for sheep and have fairly good survival instincts, as well as being extremely hardy.

The survival instincts are becoming a problem, actually, because those instincts do not include "the human and the dogs will keep me safe." Fortunately we were making progress (the secret to sheep friendship is animal crackers), when we had a flood and the electric fence between our pasture and the neighbor's pasture was no longer zappy for awhile.

If I wanted to be in that field I would already be there.

Sheep, it turns out, are stupid enough to continue testing the fence, smart enough to figure out that their wool insulates them once it turns back on again, and filled with desire to trespass. Limu, in particular, is the "smart one" and ring leader.

You offend us! You offend our ancestors!

Things that we have attempted to break them of their crime habits:

1. Keep them off that field for a week so they'll "forget" that they can get through that fence. They did not forget. I spent hours cleaning the wool off the fence wires for NOTHING.
2. Shear Jake from State Farm (who needed it anyway) in hopes that one being trapped would keep them all close. JfSF screamed for awhile and then figured out how to crawl through anyway.
3. Triangle collars made of PVC pipe. Flo removed hers within an hour. By morning all sheep were naked and trespassing. Limu took off her collar IN THE NEIGHBOR'S FIELD.
4. Give up. The sheep vanished without a trace and were found an hour later way down behind the bend of the creek.
5. Keep them off the front field again and just let the goats up there at night, with the sheep on the back, because the goats need more field but also need hay and giving them both at once causes Sheep Crime.
6. Triangle collars PART TWO. With holes drilled in the PVC. And even more zip ties. And swearing. We haven't actually done this yet because I'm tired.

But lady they LEFT ME!

Meanwhile the girls are beginning to breast boobily about the pasture, making containment more important than ever - because if they drop lambs in not my field somewhere I will loose my mind.

Buy stock in animal crackers. We're going through a lot of them.

A diary of an old lady goat who just wants some respect dammit

 So I brought home two lovely aged does this weekend, Lily (7, in milk) and Champagne (9, bred), who have impeccable pedigrees and production records and will be tremendous assets to the herd. They have ideas about this.

Sunday afternoon: Lily and Champagne are happy to come out of the barn. They are suspicious of getting in the car but definitely too lazy to put up too much fuss. Is that hay in there? Get this puppy out of my way I am too old for this. (The puppy was very cute and received many pats.)

This new barn smells funny.

Still Sunday afternoon: Lily - whyyyyyyyyy I'm too oooooooold for this!!! Champagne - zzzzzzz

Finally home, Sunday evening: We have arrived just in time for everybody to be fed and milked. Champagne walks into the milk room and jumps on a milk stand like she owns the place. Lily converts into 160 pounds of rage and stomping. She does like the grain though.

Lily - I'M LEAVING THIS PLACE IS TERRIBLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. Sif - don't worry mama I'll make sure she stays safe!

I'll find my own herd! With PROPER STAFF!

Monday morning, milking: Lily - I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH A MANAGER. AND MY PREVIOUS STAFF. I WILL GIVE THEM SUCH A TELLING OFF. Champagne - (chewing peacefully). Milk goes everywhere. Everything is wet. Nogoaty else wants to use the milk stand after that.

Are you sure you are qualified to do this?

All goats are released. Champagne finds the babies. Happy old lady goat noises commence.

They will come around and everything will be fine, but if you enjoy drama, bring home an aged doe. You've apparently got a 50/50 chance.