Garden lessons

 I have been gardening harder than usual this year, due to (gestures at entire world) stressing me out and finding gardening soothing. While I am not exactly a skilled gardener, I've been at it since I was a teenager, so I have finally killed enough plants that I can (usually) keep them alive. Still, this year has had some unexpected lessons:

I am now she who walks behind the rows.

1. Squash bugs have a very distinct smell when you squish them. This is probably why so few birds eat them. They are also full of powder blue goop which I would not want to eat either so, fair enough birds.
2. If you find frass (caterpillar poop) but no caterpillars, this does not always mean that something ate the little bastards. It often does though.
3. Black swallowtail caterpillars like carrots.
4. DUCKS WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING. They also eat slugs.
5. It is INCREDIBLY satisfying to squish a clutch of bean beetle eggs. Dear squash bugs: please take notes. Your eggs suck.
6. If you do three sisters beds, put the squash on the OUTSIDE. Whoever came up with putting the squash on the inside has someone else reaching through a jungle of corn and beans to get to the squash for them.
7. Ducks will not eat squash bugs.
8. Bean vines are grippy - like velcro. This makes it very uncomfortable to take one across the face.
9. Pole beans are more than capable of pulling down corn stalks. And bamboo poles. And step in fence posts.
10. Chickens will not eat squash bugs.
11. The squash is all dead, but the pumpkins, which are also technically squash, are doing great. ???

The cabbage did pretty good though. Ignore the caterpillar holes.

In conclusion, I want to know what the hell squash bugs eat when they can't get squash, and how they magically appear any time a squash plant is present. They are clear evidence for the spontaneous generation of life from inanimate objects.

A tale of two quail jails

 As you may have noticed if you've been around my house, now that the weather is nice the quail a get to go outside.

It is just the cocks for now, because a) I have too many of them, b) the hens are kind of important because they're the ones who pay rent, and c) most of them were in horny jail anyway. Initially, I just took the two quail jails outside, regular horny jail mode but with a pan for a roof/shade, and witnessed mass chaos.

Quail do this thing where when something scares them they jump straight up in the air. It's called popping and is common to game birds. The quail jails were a veritable jiffy pop out there, and we had a few split scalps, which look far worse than they are. I had to bring Marshie inside because I was afraid he was concussed. Turns out that white feathers just make every little injury look WORSE, but he continues to be Second House Cock due to not fighting with Onyx and also inertia.

That said, after a couple of days getting used to the routine, there was actually dramatically less fighting! Success! I have distracted the walking testicles with the enrichment of being on grass and looking at ducks!

So I thought to myself, if all the cocks were in one quail jail, some of the girls could take turns going out in the other quail jail. It would be good for them! The cocks are getting along great! 

Spoiler: the cocks did not get along great. Things we have learned since then:

• Quincy hates Scrambles with the passion of a much larger bird, and is also the larger bird between the two of them. 
• Scrambles tries to phase through the bars whenever he's in the same jail as Quincy.
• Bob doesn't think other cocks should exist.
• According to Bob, Quailliam is a hen.
• Quailliam just wants to eat crumble and run laps, but is willing to stop to harass Nugget.
• Nugget is terrified of Scrambles for no discernable reason.