Garden lessons

 I have been gardening harder than usual this year, due to (gestures at entire world) stressing me out and finding gardening soothing. While I am not exactly a skilled gardener, I've been at it since I was a teenager, so I have finally killed enough plants that I can (usually) keep them alive. Still, this year has had some unexpected lessons:

I am now she who walks behind the rows.

1. Squash bugs have a very distinct smell when you squish them. This is probably why so few birds eat them. They are also full of powder blue goop which I would not want to eat either so, fair enough birds.
2. If you find frass (caterpillar poop) but no caterpillars, this does not always mean that something ate the little bastards. It often does though.
3. Black swallowtail caterpillars like carrots.
4. DUCKS WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING. They also eat slugs.
5. It is INCREDIBLY satisfying to squish a clutch of bean beetle eggs. Dear squash bugs: please take notes. Your eggs suck.
6. If you do three sisters beds, put the squash on the OUTSIDE. Whoever came up with putting the squash on the inside has someone else reaching through a jungle of corn and beans to get to the squash for them.
7. Ducks will not eat squash bugs.
8. Bean vines are grippy - like velcro. This makes it very uncomfortable to take one across the face.
9. Pole beans are more than capable of pulling down corn stalks. And bamboo poles. And step in fence posts.
10. Chickens will not eat squash bugs.
11. The squash is all dead, but the pumpkins, which are also technically squash, are doing great. ???

The cabbage did pretty good though. Ignore the caterpillar holes.

In conclusion, I want to know what the hell squash bugs eat when they can't get squash, and how they magically appear any time a squash plant is present. They are clear evidence for the spontaneous generation of life from inanimate objects.

Hot Sauce

Fall canning is in full swing around here!  Unfortunately I am not what you call a great gardener, so what I have to can is somewhat random.  This year the bumper crop appears to be habenero peppers, and there's exactly one thing to do with those: make hot sauce!  If you have an abundance of hot peppers like me, here is my favorite recipe.

• 10 Habenero peppers (or similar volume of other hot peppers)
• 2 large yellow peaches
• 2 medium tomatoes (I use romas)
• 1 medium onion
• 1/2 cup lime juice
• 1/2 cup white vinegar
• 1/2 cup water
• 8 cloves garlic
• generous dash of salt

Peel and quarter onion.  I use yellow onions, but other kinds would also work.  Pit and quarter peaches.  I prefer yellow peaches because the finished sauce is prettier than the white ones.  My husband is always after me to try apricots in this recipe but I haven't gotten around to it yet.  You can increase the volume of fruit as much as you want, but do not decrease.  Peel garlic.  Cut the stems off of peppers (WEAR GLOVES).  You can decrease the number of peppers if you prefer milder hot sauce, but if you increase them you might want to check the pH of your sauce to make sure it is safe for canning.  Quarter tomatoes (no need to peel or core them).  Put everything into your powerful blender (we have a Vitamix) or food processor and set to "liquify."  Work in batches if needs be.  Dump all your proto-sauce into a heavy bottomed pot and simmer for half an hour.  Pour into sterilized jars (I like half pints for hot sauce) and process in a boiling water bath canner for half an hour.  Sealed jars keep as well as anything home canned, but should be kept in the refrigerator after opening.

Note that this is pretty darn hot sauce, and while it is simmering your kitchen will smell like burning and it may make your eyes water.  The "simmer" stage is however necessary for making the flavors blend, and making it thicken up a bit and get "saucy."  We usually pour opened jars into an empty clean sriracha bottle for easy dispensing.