Things I have said to goats

 STOP SHOUTING AND EAT YOUR FOOD

That's not your mama stop stealing!

I know that's not your baby stop chasing!

WHAT DID YOU DO

WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT

DON'T EAT THAT

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EAR

You're doing this on purpose aren't you.

LET ME HELP YOU

*undifferentiated screaming*

Get your feet out of my pocket!

If you love the squeaky thing you need to FEED the squeaky thing! That's your baby!

NO SIT ON BABBY

Stop kicking your baby in the face! She needs to touch your boobs to get milk! (first fresheners: they have no idea what's going on)

DON'T DRINK THAT wash water is not delicious!

A list of things I have said to poultry

 "Stop that! It's not his fault he exists and has testicles!"

"There has been too much duck crime today! No more crime until tomorrow!"

"I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE"

"TAKE IT TO THE HOUSE" (almost every day, when I want them to go back in the damn coop)

"STOP EATING MY TREES THEY ARE BABIES"

"Capes are not in fashion! Get out of the feed sacks!"

"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT"

"YOU DISGUST ME"

"That's not where eggs go!"

"STOP POOPING ON ME I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU OW YOU HAVE SHARP TALONS"

"Stop shouting and eat your food!"

"Who's blood is this?!"

"Puddle water is not delicious! I just filled the waterer!"

Lambing =/= Kidding

 Two days! Two ewes! Two lambs! I'm glad that Limu and Flo at least coordinated, but also wild shenanigans abounded.

RELEASE US

1. Of course they both lambed out in the field, not conveniently in the barn. No problem! I know to use the lamb to lure the ewe where I want her to be once she's got it mostly clean. This lead to Flo getting confused, going back to where she had him, and deciding that clearly Sif had disappeared her lamb somehow... even though he was hollering for her in the barn. Lesson learned: BACK away from the ewe, keeping the lamb between her and you. If the lamb leaves her line of site for even a fraction of a second she forgets where it is and panics.
2. Lambs are really quite stoic. When I dip a goat kid's navel (a process that involves turning them on their backs for good coverage), they holler, which draw's mom's attention. Lambs are just like "welp this is my life now," once again causing the ewe to be confused, because wait where did my baby just go? Oh wait there it is!
3. Lambs get up MUCH FASTER than at least my goats do. This leads to a toddling lamb looking for the milk bar while mama is trying to wash its face. They kind of circle each other. This is adorable.
4. Ewes have TINY LITTLE NIPPLES. Is the baby nursing or is it just sucking the side of her udder? I'm not sure. Shine a flashlight under there. Now the baby is confused because it got bright all of a sudden and it was just born.
5. With both ewes in stalls with their lambs, Jake from State Farm can no longer find his ladies like 95% of the time. Where did they go? Are they lost? Ram screm ensues. He sounds like he smokes a pack a day, more so than usual.
6. Sheep are follow mammals - their babies follow them very closely from day one. Goats are cache mammals - they hide their babies and go back to feed them until they're strong enough to keep up. This makes finding the babies both very easy (they're with mama!) and very difficult (mama could be anywhere!).
7. If I pick up a lamb, the ewe does not know where it went. The lamb, still stoic, says "welp this is my life now" again. The ewe runs around in a panic calling for her baby. Sheep, turns out, do not look up.

NYOOOOOOM

They are extremely cute and I look forward to them frolicking in the pasture, and also, Soay ewes generally blow their fleece shortly after lambing... so also FLEEEEEECE. They're so soft and allowing more scritches than ever before!!!

I'm all alone...

The problem with wool

 So Jake from State Farm got shorn. He feels much better.

Release me! I see ladies!

This means that I get a fleece! I really enjoy Jacob fleece, but you can't just spin wool, even the nicest wool, straight off the sheep. Well you could but it's not a GREAT idea, because sheep are dirty little grease balls. So we've got some prep steps:

The skirting floor, ie my front room.

1. Skirt the fleece. This means you lie it out flat and pick off the gross parts at the edges... poopy bits, felted bits, in the case of Jacob sheep, hair.
2. Wash (scour) the fleece. Yes you just took out the gross parts. All the other parts are also a LITTLE BIT gross. And did I mention greasy? Lanolin folks - it comes from sheep! There are multiple methods to wash a fleece, but I personally put it in a giant mesh laundry bag, fill the bathtub with hot water and dish soap, and slowly, GENTLY soak the fleece. Heat + agitation = felt. Heat is also the easiest way to get the grease out. I usually do two soap soaks and three or four rinse soaks.
   
3. Dry the fleece. Getting all the water out take BLOODY FOREVER. I squish it out in the tub, then roll it up in towels and stomp on it, then spread it out as far as I can under a full blast ceiling fan. Usually on my bed. This is the part where my husband becomes concerned. He shouldn't be because I am very smart and spread it out on a sheet, so I can roll it up and move it if we need to sleep. He is wonderful but does not understand my madness.
4. Card/comb the fleece. This is where you have some more choices, which are primarily dictated by what tools you have access to. Someday I will have all the tools. SOMEDAY. But right now I have a drum carder and hand cards. The drum carder usually wins, because hand cards take ages and I'm the "card it all before I spin any of it" type - mostly because having to stop spinning to card some more fills me with rage.

Now you have wool ready to spin! I'm asked regularly whether spinning my own yarn is a money saver versus using commercial yarn, and it definitely is not. But you have to figure in all the bonus entertainment value of all of this STUFF. Learn to spin! You will never "have nothing to do" again!